J and T vs. El Kabong

Jaxar and Travix vs. El Kabong

This begins near the end of Chapter of Dardarax's "Dark Legacy"

[Jaxar was in the process of disintegrating the dead panther corpse that Travix had drained of hemoglobin when suddenly…]
MORONIC VOICE: (Western accent) Now hooollld it thar, you scoundrils!
[Suddenly, both of the startled villains then glancing around in different directions for the origin of the moronic voice.]
JAXAR: Hey, who dares say that?
[Suddenly, two figures stepped out of the shadows: the famous Hanna-Barbera cartoon duo Quick Draw McGraw (dressed in his El Kabong disguise) and his sidekick Baba Looey.  The taller of the bunch, Quick Draw, was holding his mighty "kabonger," equipped for combat.]
QUICK DRAW MCGRAW (EL KABONG): It is I—El Kabong!
BABA LOOEY: Along with his trusty deputy, Baba Looey!
QUICK DRAW MCGRAW (EL KABONG): And I'm here to take you in!
[After a few seconds of silence, both villains attempted to hold their breath to stifle giggles, which failed a second later as they erupted in uproarious laughter.  Nevertheless, El Kabong and Baba Looey stood firm.  This activity of chortling lasted for ten seconds before the pair of evil villains settled down, sequentially gazing back toward the heroic duo with disbelief.]
JAXAR: (skeptical) You…you actually think you can defeat me and my associate, El Kabong?  And for exactly what charges anyway?
BABA LOOEY: Don't be fooled, senior.  For when it comes to crime fighting, El Kabong can be as swift as lightning, but twice as deadly, I think.
QUICK DRAW MCGRAW (EL KABONG): And as for the charges, killing a poor, old, innocent beggar is an absolute felooonay.
TRAVIX: (Transylvanian accent, scoffs) And what are you going to do about it?
[El Kabong lifts up the arm holding his mighty Kabonger, in preparation to strike his nemeses.]
QUICK DRAW MCGRAW (EL KABONG): I shall use my mighty Kabonger of course!
JAXAR: (incredulous, snickering) What?  How exactly are you doing to use a simple guitar to defeat me and my accomplice here?
QUICK DRAW MCGRAW (EL KABONG): Like this: Kabong!
KABONG!!!!
KABONG!!!!
[His deformed head filled with immense pain, Jaxar clutched it with both his hands as he sequentially howled aloud with such volume that it echoed as far as Warfang.]
QUICK DRAW MCGRAW (EL KABONG): Serves you right for treating poor, penniless folk like that, don't it?
[It took a moment for the pain to subside from Jaxar's head.  He sequentially gazed at El Kabong with both disbelief and hateful wrath.]
JAXAR: So, you think that you're tough because you have an extremely hard-hitting guitar, El Kabong, but I've got some even more deadly magic!  Here, eat this!
[With the outward thrust of one hand, the evil wizard fired a fire ball hurtling toward our masked avenger.  Nevertheless, El Kabong held up his Kabonger and swung the fire ball to one side without a scratch or singe.  Jaxar was utterly astounded with his mouth fully agape.]
JAXAR: (incredulous) Ho…how…
QUICK DRAW MCGRAW (EL KABONG): Well my Kabonger here is specially coated with several layers of enhanced finish that makes it utterly "impurvoy-ous" to magic of all types.
JAXAR: You don't say?  Well, no matter, for you're still…
[Jaxar repositioned his gaze in Travix's direction as he spoke.]
JAXAR: …no match against Travi—(surprised) GREAT SPIRITS OF THE FOREST!
[Jaxar froze with fright at what he saw, for the blood dragon beside him was now prostrate on his belly and totally unconscious, with swirled eyes, five or six small bats circling over his head, and a goofy grin on his sinister visage.]
BABA LOOEY: Gosh, Senior Quick Straw. (pointing at Travix) You've knocked that vampire dragon into the next week or two.
QUICK DRAW MCGRAW (EL KABONG): Hmm.  Guess I must 'ave "kabonged" 'im too hard thar.
JAXAR: You idiotic, poor excuse for a horse!  Thanks to your "kabonging" or whatever you call it, I have no an accomplice to accompany me in ambushing the Dragon Temple in the next few days.  I'll make sure that you pay most severely for your putting a dent in my plants.
QUICK DRAW MCGRAW (EL KABONG): Not if I can help it, you horrid warlock!
[So saying, the impetuous El Kabong spun his Kabonger in a circle and then immediately sprang forward at the horrid, two-faced warlock, shouting…]
QUICK DRAW MCGRAW (EL KABONG): OLÉ!
[He held his "Kabonger" in one hand, ready to once again "kabong" the evil wizard right on his head.  Then just as the daring masked hero came within striking of "kabonging" Jaxar, a loud voice suddenly erupted out of nowhere.]
LOUD VOICE: Hey, wait a minute!
[Instantly, just as El Kabong's was a foot above the evil wizard's head, he suddenly stopped in midair for a second before falling onto the ground with a loud BOOM.  As he managed to stand back up on his hind legs, out of nowhere walked in a young adult man in his early twenties, who positioned himself between the two characters.]
QUICK DRAW MCGRAW (EL KABONG): Um, who are you, young man?  I don't think we've ever met.
JAXAR: That's the fanfiction author known as Dardarax and my creator, you guitar-crazed vigilante!
DARDARAX: Now, now, Jaxar, I'll handle this, thank you.
[The black-hearted wizard crossed his arms and sighed.]
JAXAR: Fine.
[Dardarax then returned his gaze toward Quick Draw and Baba Looey.]
DARDARAX: Well, El Kabong, I hope you and your pal, Baba Looey, have a good excuse for intruding upon my story.  After all, last I recalled, both of you aren't suppose to be in it.
QUICK DRAW MCGRAW (EL KABONG): Well, I couldn't just stand by and allow that poor begger's death go unavenged and all that nonsense.  I felt it was my responsibility to uphold the law.
BABA LOOEY: Um, I think you better read this, Senior Dardarax.
[While speaking, Baba Looey handed a one-page document to the fanfiction author, who then read it in every detail.]
BABA LOOEY: For you see, this person asked us both to defeat both an evil wizard and a vampire that were distressing him.
QUICK DRAW MCGRAW (EL KABONG): And as a professional-type hero, it's part of my duty to always answer the call for help.
[By now, Dardarax had already finished reading the letter.]
DARDARAX: Well, that is very noble of you, El Kabong, but did you ever bother to double-check the address?
[Dardarax then indicated to the cartoon duo the part that specified the exact address of where to find the evil wizard and vampire they were after.]
BABA LOOEY: You see, Quick Straw?  I told you we should have double-checked the address.
QUICK DRAW MCGRAW (EL KABONG): (embarrassed chuckle) Yep, it looks like I goofed at that too, Baba Looey. (to Dardarax) Thanks for pointing out that mistake, Dardarax.
DARDARAX: No problem, Quick Draw.
QUICK DRAW MCGRAW (EL KABONG): Well, I'll be seeing ya then.  So long!
[Both he and his diminutive companion then turned around and disappeared into the darkness of the alleyway.  Jaxar then uncrossed his arms and gave a sigh of relief.]
JAXAR: (softly) I'm so glad that he and his bizarre little munchkin are gone.
DARDARAX: Oh, come now, Jaxar, he's not that bad.  Besides, I think he's really funny.
JAXAR: You say that now, but wait until he hits you with that guitar of his. (sighs) Which reminds me, do you mind if I took a rest before we progress with the next chapter? (clutches his head) I've got a severe headache from that recent encounter with El Kabong.
DARDARAX: Sure thing, Jaxar, I can wait.
JAXAR: And one other thing.
DARDARAX: Yes?
JAXAR: Please take Travix to the healers so he can recover in the next two weeks.